I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
