Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
