I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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