I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
