I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
