My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
