i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
