Define "chronic" masturbator.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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