stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
