How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
