We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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