he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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