He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
