K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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