Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
