Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
