dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
