First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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