Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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