you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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