we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
