My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
