Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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