No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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