She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
