He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
