In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize