The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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