Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
