Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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