dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
