I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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