I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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