How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
