i just made my gag reflex go away.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
