Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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