Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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