Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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