C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
