Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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