Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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