so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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