Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
