alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
