He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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