Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
