Your tits are I can't wait for
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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