I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
