imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
