I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
