literally had 100 drinks last night.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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