i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
