If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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