That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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