Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i drank out of a bidet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
