I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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