So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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