I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
