um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
