I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
