we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
