I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
