I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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