I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
